9 September 2020 – Lockdown Brain

For 13+ years I have been blaming any amount of forgetfulness on “baby brain”. I know I was pushing it after so much time, but it was always such a good excuse.

However, that level of forgetfulness is nothing compared with “Lockdown Brain”!

I have reached a point, as we start to ease back in to “normal” life, where I feel less in control than ever before. I have little focus. I can’t remember anything. I have unopened emails coming out of my ears! I receive messages and convince myself that I’ve replied. I haven’t. I can’t keep up; even though the speed of life has eased off so much, it feels so hectic!

We used to have to live by such a tight routine. I used to run my kids all over the place almost every evening and each day on the weekend. Child A had to be at Place B and Child B at Place A, and it all worked to perfection(ish) with them fed, clothed and with everything they needed (mostly).

Now however, I have no idea how we ever managed this. A Wednesday or two ago, I met a friend for a coffee and had to be back for my youngest to go to a guitar lesson. The lesson is for half an hour and started at 16:00. We had dinner at lunch time to ensure we had plenty of time to then be able to make it to his football training at 18:30. Despite the two-hour window between activities, I felt incredibly flustered…

I wonder if the lack of focus, activity and routine may be what has impaired my mind. We tried to keep to a routine of getting the kids up at the same time during lockdown, doing schoolwork and getting into bed around the same time too. We ate dinner at a similar time each evening, followed by a card game and some family television. Aside from that, without realising, nothing was actually “routine”.

We’ve had an overload of information from the government, from schools and from the extracurricular clubs the children attend. Change after change to adapt to. Home schooling with long division! And, here we are, still finding ourselves in unknown territory. We don’t know what’s coming next. We are just living in a world of uncertainty where things can change on any given day. It’s not so easy to plan things in this new way of living and I’m a planner! I like a list and I like a schedule.

I decided that I would throw myself back into work when the children went back. Start planning and feeling a little more in control of life. As of this week, both children are now back at school. So, I saw a friend for coffee yesterday, met a friend for lunch today and will be seeing another friend tomorrow morning… It seems I’m not quite ready yet.

I’ve worked from home for over ten years so know the discipline needed. I just seem to have temporarily forgotten thanks to my “Lockdown Brain”.

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